Transcript Thursday: The art of ‘calming down’ the ‘woke critic’ in you

For the third time this year, I'm listening to an eternally important book through my audiobook app, Audible. There's a chapter on criticism I'd love to share with you.

Every day, as you scroll through your newsfeed or timeline on social media, it’s common to see harsh comments and posts on different issues from politics to religion. These posts, often derogatory, and in the name of criticism, are flying off people’s thoughts on issues they don’t agree with.

It’s a trend a friend calls “woke criticism”, slowly easing its way into formal structures such as homes and offices.

For instance, I watched a ‘woke critic’ blurt at a fellow attendee for “wasting time asking a question” at a virtual conference I joined recently. 

The attendee took time trying to provide a context to his question, but the ‘woke critic’ lost his cool, unmuted his mic and went: “Oga stop telling us long story…”

Nigeria is a wild street. Here, parents curse their children without hesitation, employers scold employees over minimal errors, and homeowners often look down on housemaids.

It’s hell on social media. For instance, on Twitter, a tweep with access to a smartphone and data bundle could embarrass you on the Timeline—just because he disagrees with your opinion. 

In today’s newsletter edition, you’ll learn why criticism is bad through the transcripts of an audiobook, “How to win friends and influence people”.

Dale Carnegie Transcript: Don’t Criticise, condemn or complain

“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

Criticism drove Thomas Chatterton, the English poet, to suicide.

Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people that he was made American Ambassador to France. The secret of his success?

‘I will speak ill of no man,’ he said, ‘. . . and speak all the good I know of everybody.’

Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain – and most fools do.

But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”

What’s in it for you?

You need to understand this: Learning how to control your emotions (self-control) is as important as learning how to make money or build a career. It requires both efforts and time. 

I learned late in life that resisting the urge to act out of impulse and criticize harshly is a basic survival skill. 

Although this is hard, especially if you grew up in an environment where heated arguments and bust-ups are common.

But to survive, you also need to know this: it's a natural human tendency for people to say hurtful words and things that conflict your worldview.

The world is replete with stupid human beings. Stupidity, in this context, is a state of mind which stems from ignorance or lack of exposure.

So instead of responding out of impulse, take Dale’s advise: 

“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness.

I once worked with a Nigerian on a short term project. I’d like to call him Mr A. Then, Mr A, the most workaholic I have ever met, would send a task via email or WhatsApp around 2 am. He admits to being accustom to working round the clock, including weekends, and expects his employees to do the same. 

Four years ago, I would have thought he was wicked. But with time and study, I realized people act for a reason. There’s a backstory to how they behave. Some times it’s intentional or crude ignorance. 

Mr A has been a workaholic all his life. He doesn’t believe in rest. And if you must have a good work relationship with him, prepare to be a workaholic or at least, pretend to be one. 

This applies to people with dissenting views on social media, too. You need to understand that people often talk from a limited worldview. And sometimes, say stupid or ignorant things with confidence. Most of them are not open-minded. So your criticism, either “woke” or constructive, is total bull shit to them. 

You must realize this before you criticize people: Human behaviours, beliefs and habits are hard to change. It takes a willful mind to learn how to rein in emotions and pick up good habits. Not everyone values self-development. 

So it’s better you learn from Carnegie’s advice, and scrap the mentality of ‘woke criticism’. 

And if you must criticize, do it with good intentions. Constructive criticism. Focus on the message. Not the author. 

E.g: “I appreciate the thinking behind this. Have you ever thought of xyz this way, could it work this way” is better than “you’re foolish. That’s not how smart people think about xyz. 

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And that’s all on today’s newsletter. Let me know what you think about this. Kindly share this with your friends too. See you next week. 

PS: I’m listening to Coldplay’s album.